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Alone but not lonely

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It was a chilly day, the wind whipping across the water as we stood out on the deck of a ferry crossing Milford Sound in the south island of New Zealand. She, a stranger, held out her camera to me and asked that I take her photo. I was careful to capture the crisp mountains and rainbow waterfalls framing her perfectly. She, then asked,” You traveling alone?” “Yes.” I replied. “Me too!” She laughed, “Guaranteed good company! When you’re by yourself, you’re guaranteed good company!”

Guaranteed good company…

 
I hadn’t thought of it that way, but she was right.
One thing I always liked about traveling and venturing out on my own was all the impromptu adventures and friends I made along the way.
 
But, there are a great number of people who fear being alone. Many of us find it frightening to travel alone, to take a class alone or find there’s no one to ask for help.
 
To avoid this fear of being alone, we will socialize endlessly, from jumping from one relationship to another, emailing constantly, or becoming absorbed in social media. Often times, to avoid being alone, we’ll end up in a relationship with someone who isn’t really good for us.
 
There’s a difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
 
Alone means there aren’t people with you.
 
Lonely is a feeling of disconnect, or longing despite having a great deal of social contact with others, or being in a relationship.
 
As mentioned in an earlier post Understanding Loneliness, people who struggle with feelings of loneliness of find their struggles have deeper roots.
 
Being alone is what you make of it.
 
To truly understand what makes being alone so painful, you must recognize that it probably comes from a deeper situation that may be uncomfortable to address.

  • Sometimes can be traced back to an unpleasant experience or past memory.
  • Some simply are bored when they are alone.
  • When in solitude, unpleasant thoughts and feelings can arise that you must then reflect on and process.
  • Sometimes, as an adult you keep trying to bring people into your world to soothe the lack of nurturing from childhood.
  • Social anxiety and fear of the thoughts of others.

 
So how can we learn to enjoy being by ourselves if it seems intimidating?
 
The secret to being alone you’ll find, is that it’s empowering. You make all the decisions and can be completely focused on and present in every experience.
 
You will be learning self-sufficiency and emotional independence, which is an act of strength. Time alone is an opportunity for growth and to get to known yourself.
 
Becoming acquainted with time alone may start small and simple.
 
Try spending small amounts of time alone, without your phone, laptop, TV, or radio. This quiet will allow you to become aware of yourself and surroundings. Ask yourself things like: What is my body telling me today? How do I feel today?
 
Eventually if you keep at this, you’ll grow used to setting time aside for yourself to be by yourself. You may spend your time going on hikes, reading books, creating artwork, or even writing that novel you’ve been thinking about.
 
I encourage you to go off on an adventure of your own, my friends, and know you’re guaranteed good company!
 
If you feel I may be of help, please call me at 206-428-1975
or email me: joanna@ascension-healing.com

with love,
Joanna 

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Cultivating Self-Love

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“In order to be able to truly love another person, a person needs first to love oneself, in the way of respecting oneself, and knowing oneself (e.g. being realistic and honest about one’s strengths and weaknesses).” – Eric Fromm

Hi Friends,
 
For anyone who’s ever been on a commercial flight, I’m sure you recall listening to the airplane safety presentation before take off. It includes elements such as these:
 
Exits are in the front of the plane, back, and over the wings; be aware the nearest exit may be behind you – look around.
 
Flotation devices are under the seats in the event of a water landing
 
If air pressure drops in the cabin, oxygen masks drop down from the overhead. Be sure to put your oxygen mask on before children or helping others.
 
Be sure to put your oxygen mask on before children or helping others.
 
It may seem selfish to take care of yourself first in a dangerous or potentially dire situation, but it really is an astute safety measure. The point is to make sure you can breath and are stable before assisting others; otherwise you will become a liability causing resources and time to be used to help you whereas otherwise it would have been unnecessary.
 
When you take care of yourself first, you can be more productive and then help others. And just like taking care of yourself first on an airplane, if you practice self- love and take care of yourself, you too will be more helpful, productive and overall happier in life.
 
It’s important to point out that loving oneself is different from being conceited, or egocentric. It means you care about yourself and take responsibility for yourself.
 
“Regaining of a quiet sense of pleasure in being one’s own self.” – Carl Rogers
 
Being aware of yourself, your needs and recognizing your worth are the keystone of cultivating self-love.
 
This starts by gradually learning to accept your weaknesses along with your strengths. It builds out of the thoughts and actions that you choose.
 
A few tips to help cultivate self love:
 
Mindfulness:
Start by checking in with yourself – begin to recognize what you feel, think, and want. Your thoughts dictate your emotions and actions. Slow down and listen what you’re saying to yourself and the thoughts that you’re having. Ask yourself how these are impacting your mood and behavior.
 
Self-Care
It’s important to enroll in healthy physical activities and exercise, and make sure you’re getting adequate sleep and nutrition. Set time aside for play, social interaction or quiet contemplation. Loving yourself through an established practice to meet your basic needs sets a foundation for further personal growth and wellness.
 
Boundaries
Consider what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed. This is a good way to set limits and recognize activities or interactions that aren’t good for you. Tune into your feelings to recognize what feels good and helpful or what stresses you and feels wrong. Be direct and clear with your wants and needs.
 
Loving ourselves isn’t a one-time thing.
It’s an ongoing process.

 

 

Understanding Loneliness

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understandingLoneliness
We’re going to talk about Loneliness.

I’m not going to give you a top 10 list of ways to meet people. You can find that all over the Internet and frankly, it won’t really help and will probably just piss you off because, I know that’s how I’d feel.
 
We’re going to go a little deeper.
 
This is especially poignant because I’m writing this while living in the Pacific Northwest, specifically Seattle, Washington, which is nationally known for the “Seattle Freeze”.  A good way to describe this “freeze” is that most folks that move here find it immensely difficult to make meaningful friendships or truly experience anything beyond surface pleasantries. People here are nice enough, but emotionally and socially distant. Another way to phrase it is: “You’re welcome onto the porch, but never in the house.” Thus “lonely” is a word often heard and an experience often felt.
 
When I initially moved out here to the Pacific Northwest, I was a resident in a local Buddhist Monastery. While living there, I had a close confident in an 86-year-old nun whom also was originally from the East Coast. She told me the reason people move out here to Seattle is to heal. There’s something about all the water and remoteness that draws those who are suffering.
 
Her point of suffering is where we’re going to start addressing loneliness.
 
Being lonely can mean not feeling part of the world despite having a great deal of social contact with others, or being in a relationship.

This is Internal Loneliness, which is different than the sort of environmental loneliness brought on by something like a relationship suddenly ending or a recent move to a new location. It’s important to understand the difference because it goes so much deeper.
 
Internal loneliness is a deeper more prolonged sense of loneliness. The causes usually come from within ourselves.

This deep sense of loneliness can happen for a number of reasons:
Low self-confidence
Seeing yourself as less or unimportant
But most importantly, a deep sense of loneliness may stem from childhood, and could be linked with feeling unloved or cared for as a child.
 
That’s a lot to take in, as this requires you to look back over your life and the length and breath of this loneliness and feelings of exclusion. This requires courage, so take a deep breath and give yourself a lot of patience.
 
If you’re looking back and seeing a long pattern of loneliness, it very well may be the result of childhood abandonment, and thus you abandoning yourself. (Remember to breathe)
 
Childhood abandonment results from:
• The loss of one or both parents to death or divorce
• Physical/sexual abuse
• Neglect
• Withheld nurturing, affecting or stimulation
• Or even a parent whom had an alcohol or drug addiction or mental health condition.
 
Children are totally dependent on caretakers to provide safety and basic needs. When this isn’t provided, the grow up believing the world is not a safe place, that people cannot be trusted, and that they do not deserve positive attention and proper care.
 
When we are children, we have no other experience of the world and this being the first experience, it becomes the baseline or standard for everything else.
 
As an adult this can manifest as:
• Feelings of insecurity & mistrust

• Depression
• Anxiety & Isolation
• Inability to commit or follow through
 
A common adult symptom of abandonment issues, is finding yourself in unhealthy relationships that reinforce negative beliefs, even though you’re looking for love & acceptance.
 
Does this sound familiar?
 
What does one do?
 
First it’s important to understand that this isn’t your fault! It is by no way an indictment of your innate goodness or value.
But it does take time, hard work, and patience to separate fears from the past from the reality of the present.
 
These feelings of loneliness and abandonment can seem overwhelming, but they can be managed and overcome.
• Explore ways to care for yourself
• Develop a way to ground and center yourself when feeling fears arise
• Communicate needs
• Have appropriate boundaries
• Build a sense of trust
 
My friends, you all deserve love and happiness.

 

Handle Uncertainty and Master your Fear

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One Sunday morning, I was at the Ballard Farmers market when I spotted a man who looked familiar. “My”, I thought to myself, “He looks like Patch Adams.”

For those of you who haven’t heard of Patch Adams MD, he was a doctor at a children’s hospital with an unorthodox, humorously silly approach to treatment, on which a movie was based featuring Robin Williams.

Shortly after noticing him, he came over and introduced himself to my friends and I.

“Hi, I’m Patch Adams.” he said, ”Have you heard of me?”
“Yes!” I exclaimed, “I knew it was you!” Happy that I was correct in my recognition.
He smiled.
Then, I asked, “May I take a photo with you?
Of course!” he smiled even bigger,
”But only if you stick your finger up your nose.”

“No, thank you.” I said, and turned to walk away.

“Wait a minute!”, he asked, “What do you think will happen whenever you look at a photo of us with our fingers in our noses?”

I thought a moment.
“I’ll laugh.”

“Exactly,” he said.

Then it suddenly occurred to me all the times I’ve said No, and turned down opportunities because I was concerned about what other people thought, afraid of disapproval.

This was a moment of enlightenment.

I’m sure you’ve a similar story of hesitation and doubt, though probably much more stressful. In retrospect, because I really wasn’t attached to the outcome, as there were no real ramifications, it afforded me the moment to reflect on my own inner dynamics.
(I did take the picture with Patch Adams, MD with our fingers in our noses in-case you’re wondering 😉

Uncertainty, fear, and doubt are painful emotions that we all endure. These are the things keep us up, enduring another sleepless night worrying…

Fear deconstructs you.

Fear negatively impacts your view on life, your confidence levels, and even your potential. Fear of failure stifles creativity, destroys promising ideas, and stops us from realizing our dreams.

When you’re afraid and uncertain, your motivation diminishes.
Yes, my friends,
fear actually is the root of procrastination.
____________

So, how can I manage and overcome my reluctance and fear?

  1. Acknowledge And Appreciate Your Emotions, Knowing They Support You.
  2. Recognize that you are feeling fear. This will help you get to the source.
  3. Determine the under laying cause. This requires self-reflection, which may be difficult while engulfed in the experience. It may require time alone afterwards in a safe place, to fully assess the situation.
  4. Check in with the conversation you’re having with yourself. What are your thoughts and words your saying to yourself? Are you deconstructing yourself? Are you repeating something negative someone once said to you? You may not be able to articulate into words the sensations you’re experiencing, so be patient.
  5. What is the message of the uncertainty and fear:
    – What else could this mean?
    – What can I learn from this?
    – What is my belief causing me to feel this way?
    Am I really: afraid of failing, being ridiculed, facing change, etc.?
    It’s important that you recognize your fear and attempt to define what it is that makes you frightened.Asking these questions will help change your perception of the situations that intimidate you, your perception of yourself, and improve how you’re handling things.
  6. Probably the best method that works and will improve your confidence over time and over all is to purposely face your fears by doing activities that push you outside of your comfort zone. Now is the time to take that public speaking course. Or maybe next time, take the path over the footbridge with the long drop below. Often times you’ll find all those lions you thought were in your pathway were just kittens. Just try.

Remember, YOU are the source of all your emotions; you are the one who creates them. Be patient with yourself while following these steps as you awakened to your own inner dialogue, perceptions, and work on the changes to release your fears to live life more abundantly and joyfully!

Can Electromagnetic Fields Affect Your Intuition?

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EMF_intuition

We live in a sea of energy

Wherever there is an electric current flowing, there will be a magnetic field as a result. The higher the electrical current, the higher the magnetic field will be. Anything that has an electric current has this electromagnetic field.

Natural sources of electromagnetic fields

Electromagnetic fields are present and a natural occurrence in our environment, most recognized in the forms of thunderstorms and the earth’s magnetic field. Although these energy fields are invisible, this may explain why you may feel excited or energized during a thunderstorm, or feel different sensations during high sunspot activity (releases ions into the earths’ atmosphere creating aurora borealis).

Human-made sources of electromagnetic fields

The electromagnetic fields truly of the most concern are those from manmade sources. I’m sure you’ve heard that electromagnetic fields (EMF) aren’t good for your health and well-being, (remember mom telling you not to sit so close to the TV?) but how does this work?

Any electronic device has an electromagnetic field. The average household electrical device, from microwaves, computers, cell phones, TV, etc. average 100khz-300khz.

 

spectrum-emfSchuman Field (Earth energy field) ranges – 1Hz to 30Hz
Often the Earth frequency (Schuman field) is stated as 7.82Hz. This is calculated based on the earths circumference, but due to variables such as ions from sunspots and other interstellar interference, the earths magnetic field fluctuates.

Human brain in Alpha wave state:
relaxed, eyes closed but alert – 8Hz to 13Hz

Human brain in Beta wave state:
awake, mental concentration – 14Hz to 30Hz
Nerve pulses are electrical energy. The chemical processes in nerve cells throughout the body, brain and heart cause the human energy field. 1khz=1000hz

You can see that our own energy field is close to that of the earth.
Man-made electronic devices have a far higher EMF, which in turn do have an effect on us.

Fields of different frequencies interact with the body in different ways. This is of concern because our exposure is greatly increasing due to greater demand of electricity and electric devices.

 


Some symptoms of long-term EMF exposure include:

  • Insomnia
  • Dizziness
  • Extreme fatigue
  • Mild nausea
  • Paranoia
  • Headaches
  • Sweating
  • Shakiness
  • Joint pain
  • Dark circles under the eyes
  • Weakness,
  • Chronic illness
  • Memory issuesThe effects of EMFs vary as much as individuals vary.


Electromagnetic fields & public health: Intermediate Frequencies (IF). Information sheet February 2005. World Health Organization.

Retrieved Aug 2013.
http://www.who.int/peh-emf/publications/facts/intmedfrequencies/en/

 


Electromagnetic Fields, your Intuition and Pineal Gland
Recent studies have shown that EMFs affect your pineal gland, which is part of your endocrine system and located in the brain.

What does that mean?

Your pineal gland is the chemical/biological catalyst and connection between you, the universe and Divine. It is your pineal glad that supports your intuition and psy abilities. EMFs are perceived as light by the pineal gland, thus interrupting melatonin and serotonin levels, causing insomnia & depression, and they disrupt the neuro-modulators and subtle magnetic fields perceived by the pineal gland that support your intuition.

  • “Malka N. Halgamuge of the University of Melbourne in Australia further examined the effect of man-made EMF on the pineal gland. Halgamuge states in his research that the pineal gland likely recognizes EMF as light, which consequently would result in reduced melatonin production. “…the results show the significance of disruption of melatonin due to exposure to weak EMFs, which may possibly lead to long-term health effects in humans.” – Malka N. Halgamuge (Oxford Journals)”

Electromagnetic fields can effect your intuition and psy abilities in a negative way!



Tips to protect yourself from EMFs and even boost intuition:

 

  • Ground yourself. Go out into nature, walk in the woods, away from buildings and high power lines…and leave your cell phone behind.
  • Immerse yourself in water. Soaking in a tub, pond or even better – the ocean. Salt water draws energy away faster than fresh water.
  • Use Breathing and meditation techniques to calm your nervous system.
  • Listen to music that you enjoy, that help balance your current state.
  • When your nervous system is over stimulated, use up the energy; go to the gym, run bicycle, and exercise.
  • When using your cell phone, wear the corded headset to talk. A Bluetooth earpiece isn’t recommended as it has the same EMF as holding the cell to your ear.
  • If you’re having trouble sleeping, placing tinfoil under your mattress will help shield you from EMFs.
  • Take regular breaks from using your computer and cell phone.
  • Unplug any electronic devices around your house that aren’t being used. Even when plugged in, they draw a small current of electricity.
  • Keep a healthy diet and strong immune system.

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